Thus We Are – Lyrics
Here are some behind-the-scenes notes for each song on Thus We Are, written by Xavier. Some songs are deeply personal, while others lean into drama, myth, shadow, and atmosphere. Together, they explore the stages we move through in life: pain, desire, guilt, rebirth, resilience, and the difficult act of rising again.
The main concept of the album is asking the questions:
– Who am I?
– What part of me survives?
– What part of me was damaged?
– What part must die?
– What part must be accepted?
That’s the real spine of the album.
The songs are less about gothic aesthetics and more about transformation.
Even Better the Devil I Know, Buried in Me, Your Game of Shame, Quiet Planned Steps, From the Ashes and Into the Clouds are all exploring different versions of the same question:
What happens when the person you thought you were no longer exists?
I think that’s a much richer narrative than simply “dark gothic metal.”
List of Songs
01
Better the Devil I Know
This song delves into the concept of facing one’s inner demons and acknowledging the darker aspects of oneself. It metaphorically portrays the internal struggles and the idea that it’s better to confront and accept one’s own flaws and fears rather than trying to hide or escape from them.
In other words, it’s about one realizing the monster was never external.
The devil is not following the narrator.
The devil is the narrator.
Don’t turn around
The more I look into the shadow the less I see
Something’s there, no shape, just… me
It’s closer now, I feel it breathe
Right underneath my skin
Let me in
Who is this?
Who is this?
I ask but I already know
Better the devil I know
Better the devil I know
Than the thing that wears my voice
When I’m alone
You’re not alone
It follows
I don’t follow
I stay
You buried me
But I don’t die
I learned your breath
I learned your eyes
Every thought you tried to hide
I was there the whole time
No
Say it
Better the devil you hide
Better the truth you won’t face
You say it’s something else
But it’s wearing your face
It was never outside
Never behind
Never gone
I was the voice you silenced too long
I thought I could escape
You made me strong
No, no, no, no
Say my name
Better the devil I know
Better the devil I know
But it’s not something else
It’s not below
It’s me
It was always me
It was always me
02
Buried in Me
This song delves into the theme of betrayal and manipulation in a relationship. The lyrics depict the emotional turmoil caused by someone who deceived and controlled the narrator, leaving deep scars and a sense of being consumed by the other person’s influence.
He lied… to me
He lied
Said truth would set me free
Then buried it in me
And when the mirrors cracked
They split me down your line
Your voice inside my head
Repeating what was mine
A shadow dressed like mercy
With fingers in my spine
You didn’t just deceive me
You rewrote what was mine
I called your name in empty rooms
But you were never gone
You lived inside the silence
Like something I became
You were there when I needed you most
That’s the lie that hurts the most
Built your heaven from my scars
Wore my pain like it was yours
You were there when I fell so deep
Watched me while I’d lose my sleep
You swore your love would pull me through
But all you did was make it true
You were there
You were there
You were there
You lied so well
I learned it too
Started seeing through your eyes
Like you taught me to
And when the night went still
I heard it in my voice
Every word you ever said
Was never really choice
A promise rotting slowly
Like something I outgrew
I thought I was escaping
But I was turning into you
You lived inside the silence
Like something I became
You lived inside the silence
Like something I became
You were there when I needed you most
Now I feel you in my bones
Built your heaven from my scars
Left your mark in who I was
You were there when I broke in two
Now there’s nothing left but you
You swore your love would pull me through
Now I don’t know what is true
You were there
You were there
You were there
03
Your Game of Shame
This song delves into the struggle of battling inner demons and past traumas that continue to haunt and suffocate the individual. The metaphorical ‘he’ represents these negative forces that try to control and bring the person down, while the plea to ‘break the chain he made’ signifies the desire to break free from this cycle of pain and self-blame.
Every time I try to find some meaning in this game
All I get is sinking deeper in a pool of shame
Many of the secrets lingering in my past
Come and haunt me, suffocate me, drag me down too fast
He’s under my skin, colder, wiser
He holds me strong and pulls me down
I feel the cage, it’s always tighter
He feeds on silence, wears my crown?
I told you that I would be fine
But then you let every warning fade
You told me that you wouldn’t lie
So tell me, who was really afraid?
Take my memories
Take my pain
Free me from him
Break the chain he made
Give me water, give me love
Shelter while the sky corrodes
Keep me warm, keep me warm, keep me warm
Don’t let him in again
Don’t let him in again
Every time I try to beat the ending of this game
I see how you look at me and still you turn to blame
You’ve known me, I gave you all you asked
Yet you judge me, suffocate me, let him crawl beneath my mask
I told you that I would be fine
But then you let every warning fade
You told me that I would be fine
So tell me, who was really afraid?
Take my memories
Take my pain
Free me from him
Break the chain he made
Give me water, give me love
Shelter while the sky corrodes
Keep me warm, keep me warm, keep me warm
Don’t let him in again
Take my memories (Take my memories)
Take my pain (Take my pain)
Free me from him (Free me)
Break the chain he made
Give me water, give me love
Shelter while it all explodes
Keep me warm, keep me warm, keep me warm
Don’t let him in again
Don’t let him in again
Don’t let him in again
04
Those Who Should Abide
The song explores the metaphor of fire to symbolize purification and renewal. It speaks about embracing one’s past, letting go of guilt, and finding rebirth through the cleansing power of fire, uniting individuals as children of the earth bound by a shared experience.
The song draws inspiration from ancient seasonal rituals, bonfires, and the idea that communities once gathered around fire not only for warmth, but to remember their ancestors, confront their fears, and begin again.
Leaves falling
Leaves are falling, clouds are darkened
The wind is howling
Speak the words, call the spirits
We shall dance and sing
Fire burning as we chant
The ghosts of past arrive
Naked flames reveal the shapes
Of those who should abide
Firelight, see the truth
In the ashes we find rebirth
May the flame cleanse our sins
Son and daughter of the earth
By the fire we see clear
No more shame and no more fear
Drink the night, feel it rise
Ghosts reflected in our eyes
Children of the earth remain
Marked by ash and touched by flame
We are bound within the same
Silent calling without name
Fire
Fire
Dawn approaching as the sun breaks
Through the shadowed place
Blame for nothing, guilt forgotten
Dead and living embrace
Beasts with sharp claws, eyes in red glow
They will scare no more
Fallen trees shape the circle
Inside songs and roar
Firelight, see the truth
In the ashes we find rebirth
May the flame cleanse our sins
Son and daughter of the earth
By the fire we see clear
No more shame and no more fear
Drink the night, feel it rise
Ghosts reflected in our eyes
Children of the earth remain
Marked by ash and touched by flame
We are bound within the same
Silent calling without name
We call names from past blurred lines
Kindle fading, shadows rise
Leaves have fallen, no more tears
Leave your doubt, leave it here
05
Quiet Planned Steps
This song reflects on the feeling of being stuck in a familiar cycle, despite the desire to break free. The lyrics convey a sense of inevitability and acceptance of one’s path, emphasizing the idea of moving forward with clarity and purpose, even when faced with uncertainty.
Quiet Planned Steps was inspired by the strange feeling of returning to the same crossroads in life over and over again. We tell ourselves we still have choices, yet some paths seem to pull us toward them long before we consciously decide to walk them. Whether the destination is chosen, inevitable, or something in between is left for the listener to decide.
I said I wouldn’t come back here
Same narrow path, same broken line
Same quiet thought crossing my mind
I know each step before it lands
Like something planned it before I can
There’s nothing here that I don’t know
No hidden truth, no voice below
Just open space and thinning air
And one more reason to stop right there
I tell myself this time I won’t go near
(You always do)
One step closer just to see
Nothing changes, it’s still me
Standing right here where I’ve been
At the edge again, again
I could turn back
(You won’t)
There’s no reason left to stay
There never was
Then why does it feel the same?
(Because it is)
No more distance, no illusion
No more questions, only movement
Step by step, no hesitation
This was never indecision
No more distance, no delay
I was always on my way
Every moment led me here
Not by force, but choice made clear
He knew
06
Silk on Skin
This song delves into the theme of deception and hidden truths, symbolized by silk, shadows, and masks. It portrays a world where everything is a facade, where one is trapped in a cycle of lies and illusions, unable to escape the harsh reality lurking behind the veil.
It was partly inspired by the movie “Eyes Wide Shut” by Stanley Kubrick. It follows the process of a person who finds themselves where they shouldn’t be initially, only to find out that it was a game of manipulation and that they always belonged there.
Silk on skin, shadows move
Eyes that linger, you don’t belong here
Every gesture measured slow
Every secret they all know
You aren’t meant to be here
Step inside, don’t speak a word
Every truth is a lie covered in gold
Behind the veil, nothing is real
Everyone lies
No names remain, no past to show
Only the things you’re not meant to know
Behind the veil, nothing is real
Everyone lies
No names remain, no past to show
Only the things you’re not meant to know
Silver masks, empty eyes
Silent deals, a soul that slowly dies
Lust and touch, hands that guide
Power moving, and deep inside
You know there’s nowhere to hide
Step inside, don’t speak a word
Every truth is a lie covered in gold
Behind the veil, nothing is real
Everyone lies
No names remain, no past to show
Only the things you’re not meant to know
Behind the veil, nothing is real
Everyone lies (no names remain)
No names remain, no past to show
Only the things you’re not meant to know
You’re blind, yet you see
You’re blind, see, see
Blind
You were chosen long before
No escape, no return
Every door leads you in
Not a guest, you belong
Behind the veil, nothing is real
Everyone lies (no names remain)
No names remain, no past to show
Only the things you’re not meant to know
Behind the veil, nothing is real
Everyone lies
No names remain, no past to show
Only the things you’re not meant to know
You’re blind, and yet you see
07
Right Beneath My Skin
This song explores the depth of a relationship where both individuals have been through pain and carry emotional scars. The lyrics convey a sense of vulnerability, intimacy, and a willingness to endure pain to feel the connection once more, emphasizing the authenticity and realness of their bond.
While many songs on the album explore loss and inner conflict, Right Beneath My Skin embraces connection. It is about accepting another person’s flaws and scars while allowing them to see your own.
We trace the lines we never say out loud
I leave my marks, you pull through the clouds
Your fingertips remember what I hide
Like every piece of me you’ve memorized
We bend, we break, we drift, we stay
In every quiet kind of way
No perfect shape, no perfect end
Just something real we don’t pretend
I would rather feel the pain
I would rather lose my way
I will proudly wear my scars
Just to feel you once again
I like how we pull each other in
Right to the edge beneath our skin
I would rather feel the pain
Don’t let it end
Don’t let it end
There’s something in the way you say my name
There’s something in the way you say my name
Like every breath is playing with the flame
Not everything we touch is meant to heal
But every scar reminds me what is real
We bend, we break, we drift, we stay
In every quiet kind of way
No perfect shape, no perfect end
Just something real we can’t pretend
I would rather feel the pain
I would rather lose my way
I will proudly wear my scars
Just to feel you once again
I like how we pull each other in
Right to the edge beneath our skin
I would rather feel the pain
Don’t let it end
Come closer, don’t speak, just breathe
There’s nothing here we need to hide
Stay right here inside this heat
Where only we know what we find
Only you will know
Only you will know
I know what this is
Still I wanna
I would rather feel the pain
I would rather lose my way
I will proudly wear my scars
Just to feel you once again
I like how we pull each other in
Right to the edge beneath our skin
I would rather feel the pain
I would rather lose my way
I will proudly wear my scars
Just to feel you once again
I like the way you pull me in
Right to the edge beneath my skin
I would rather feel the pain
Than lose you in the end
In the end
08
From the Ashes
This song talks about overcoming challenges and being reborn stronger. The lyrics use the metaphor of a phoenix rising from the ashes to symbolize resilience and personal growth, emphasizing the idea of finding strength and renewal through difficult times with the support of others.
The French passage acts almost like a ritual invocation, connecting the song’s themes of memory, mourning and renewal.
It translates to:
A white rose on the altar of the past
We left it beneath the light
Like a phoenix in the cemetery
If you dare to believe me
Sentinels of my mistakes
Will you guide me today?
Can you believe I’m coming along
When the end of my rope was near gone?
Can you see I was beaten and torn (so broken)
But from the ashes my spirit was born?
You’ll find me at the spin of the wheel
Discover what I could feel
A hush of light betwixt and between
Between who I was and who I have been
And I’m still in the trenches sometimes
But with your warmth and love I feel fine
With our connection we’ve sworn
So the phoenix is born
I think it’s mine this time
Through great joy, great sunshine
Lonely fears disappear
As we shed all our tears
My teachers, mothers, sisters, friends
We struggled ’til the end
But the spirit of what we said
Would not leave us for dead (I refuse to give in)
Une rose blanche sur l’autel du passé
Nous l’avons laissée sous la lumière
Comme un phénix dans le cimetière
Si tu oses me croire
The fires softened our core
The blades riddled our floors
The hands that whittled and tore
And I’m still in the trenches sometimes
But with your warmth and love I feel fine
With our connection we’ve sworn
So the phoenix is born
I think I’m staying this time
Through great joy, great sunshine
Mostly I see real clear
So we stand strong and without fear
I think I’m staying (staying) this time (this time)
Through great joy, great sunshine
Mostly I see real clear
So we stand strong and without fear
Mostly I see, I see real clear
So we stand strong and without fear
I burn, I return
I burn, I return
I burn, I return
I burn, I return
09
Gone by the Sword
The song ‘Gone by the Sword’ by Tenyra portrays a person facing a difficult situation where they feel trapped and overwhelmed, symbolized by drinking to drown their sorrows. The metaphor of going ‘by the sword’ signifies making a tough decision or facing a challenging reality head-on, even if it means letting go of something significant in their life.
This song has a particularly personal meaning. It is about a true moment in my life when someone I trusted took away the “the meaning to my dawns”. It’s a song about separations, distance, parenting, melancholy.
I wasn’t ready when she came to me that night
Her cold eyes telling me it’s done
I closed my eyes, inside my darkness I felt safer
Like a leaf that drops before the storm
I had nowhere else to run
So I drank the glass, I drowned my sorrows and
Deeper into melancholy I poured
I made my choice then, no looking back
I will go, yes I will go
But by the sword
She carried off the very meaning of my life
No longer meanings to my dawns
And as the weight and shape of this reality
Made me realize I had no choice
But choose to let it go
So I drank the glass, I drowned my sorrows and
Deeper into melancholy I poured
I made my choice then, no looking back
I will go, yes I will go
But by the sword
So I drank the glass
Deeper into melancholy I poured
So I drank the glass, I drowned my sorrows and
Deeper into melancholy I poured
I made my choice then, no looking back
I will go, yes I will go
But by the sword
10
Into the Clouds
This song portrays individuals facing inner struggles and seeking solace. The lyrics depict a sense of loneliness, hope, and the desire for rescue, symbolized by the sun rising again, representing a new beginning and the strength to overcome challenges.
It is supposed to be written as a conversation between multiple characters. We thought of having multiple voices in the recording but it wasn’t making justice, so we went simple. The Man and the Woman are not a couple, they are together and separate at the same time, one soul split into two, or two souls that are intertwined.
(The Narrator)
She sits alone and hides her eyes
She hums a song and cries the lies
And the wind blows soft
As she sees one last sunlight
He sits alone but hides his cries
Just flesh and bones, what’s left inside?
And the wind blows strong
When he sees one last sunrise
All those days are gone
And into the clouds they rise
They reach for air but hit a stone
Their eyes can’t see
The dark of night around their souls
Falling so deep
(Woman and Man)
When will you come and rescue me?
When will you come and rescue me?
(The Helper)
Be not alone, come raise your hands
Reach out to me
I’m here for you, I’ve always come
I’ll always be
When sorrow grows, don’t look away
Let hope get through you
A shine of light, rebirth
(Man and Woman)
When will you come and rescue me?
(Narrator)
The dark of night around their souls
Falling so deep
(Man and Woman)
When will you come and rescue me?
When will you come and rescue me?
Take me away and shed your light
Your light on me
(The Helper)
Don’t cry no more
Open your eyes and then you’ll see
No need to hide what’s there inside
It’s what makes you, you
The sun will rise again
11
Right Beneath My Skin (Remix)
This is a more playful and energetic version of Right Beneath My Skin. While the original song focused on vulnerability, acceptance, and the scars two people carry together, the remix subtly shifts the emotional perspective. The new chorus leans into obsession and emotional dependence, exploring how a change in melody, rhythm, and even a few carefully chosen words can completely alter the way a song feels.
That idea has always fascinated me. Back when I played music in church, I would occasionally perform songs like Nothing Else Matters by Metallica during moments of meditation and nobody seemed to notice. On another occasion, the entire congregation sang along enthusiastically to Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah, despite it not really being a liturgical song. The music changed how people perceived the words.
This remix was created as a small experiment around that same idea.
We trace the lines we never say out loud
I leave my marks, you pull through the clouds
Your fingertips remember what I hide
Like every piece of me you’ve memorized
We bend, we break, we drift, we stay
In every quiet kind of way
No perfect shape, no perfect end
Just something real we don’t pretend
I would rather live in pain
I would rather lose my ways
Than never feel you again
I like the way you drain me
Leave nothing left but you and me
I would rather leave in pain
Than lose you in the end
You and me
You and me
There’s something in the way you say my name
Like every breath is playing with the flame
Not everything we touch is meant to heal
But every scar reminds me what is real
We bend, we break, we drift, we stay
In every quiet kind of way
No perfect shape, no perfect end
Just something real we can’t pretend
I would rather live in pain
I would rather lose my ways
Than never feel you again
I like the way you drain me
Leave nothing left but you and me
I would rather leave in pain
Than lose you in the end
Come closer, don’t speak, just breathe
There’s nothing here we need to hide
Stay right here inside this heat
Where only we know what we find
Only you will know
Only you will know
I know what this is
Still I wanna
I would rather live in pain
I would rather lose my ways
Than never feel you again
I like the way you drain me
Leave nothing left but you and me
I would rather leave in pain
Than lose you in the end
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